Covering Up
by winterangel06
Summary: Natalie lays everything on the line for Jessica, and her relationship with John suffers because of it.
1. Chapter One

**Covering Up**

Chapter One 

Natalie Buchanan sighed in frustration as she glanced down at the spreadsheet in front of her. No matter how many times she looked at the numbers, she just couldn't find the discrepancy. It was the rare days like this that made her wonder, what exactly she had been thinking taking a high level corporate job, without the necessary business school background. Taking a deep a deep breath to quell her growing anger, Natalie began to go over it again, but was interrupted by the ring of her cell phone.

Natalie looked at the caller id, and smiled when she realized it was her sister. Flipping it open she laughed and said, "You'd better not be canceling on me for tonight. You may not be able to drink, but after the day I've had, I need a beer."

"I killed him Natalie… I don't know what to do, I actually killed him."

Natalie bolted upright in her chair as her eyes widened in shock at Jessica's hysterical words, the papers she had been holding dropped from nerveless fingers, "Jess, calm down." Jessica continued to sob hysterically, "I need you to calm down, what are you talking about?"

"I killed him," her twin wailed into the phone.

"Killed who?" Natalie forced herself to whisper softly, being extra careful that no one outside the office heard her.

"Jarred, I killed Jarred."

Although a million questions were running through her mind, Natalie pushed them aside and forced herself to try and remain calm. "Okay, where are you now?" Natalie asked as she stood, reaching for her jacket.

"At the cabin."

"Okay, Stay there. Don't go anywhere. I'm gonna to call Uncle Beau and head up…"

Jessica interrupted her with a hysterical "NO! You can't call the police!"

"Jessica, what do you mean? You have to call them…." 

"No. You can't! You don't understand… You don't understand Natalie… It'll all come out, what I did, what happened between us, Nash'll never forgive me, I'll lose Bree, and I'll go to jail… you don't understand Natalie, you don't know the whole story. Yeah Tess slept with him, and she sent him to jail and he blackmailed me, but there's more, and its worse, and I can't leave Bree and no one will understand, not even Mom or Uncle Beau, or Nash… you're the only person I have Natalie…"

"Jess, you need to calm down… Who else knows where you are?"

"No one, Nash thinks I went over to BE to meet up with you for tonight."

"Alright, Ok, I won't call Beau. I'm on my way. Just don't go anywhere or touch anything else"

Flipping her phone closed, Natalie gathered her things together and threw them in her purse. Trying to act as natural as she could under the circumstances, she walked into the lobby and faced the receptionist with a smile, "Tina, I am going to duck out a little early, okay? My sister and I had this girl's night planned, plus it's pretty slow for a Friday. Why don't you just take the rest of the afternoon off?"

"Sure, Ms. Buchanan, that sounds great. I'll lock up as soon as I finish typing up this report."

Flashing one last smile at the receptionist, Natalie stepped into the elevator and let out a deep breath once the doors shut behind her. Her shoulders sagged, and she leaned against the wall to prevent her legs for giving out from under her. Shaking her head, she couldn't help but wonder – and dread – what awaited her at the cabin.

It was nearly a half hour later before Natalie got on the road, and headed up to the cabin. After coming out of BE, she realized that someone needed to be level headed and actually think this through. Two hysterical women wouldn't help, no matter what the situation was.

Natalie acted as natural as she could by driving calmly driving home. Luckily she found Llanfair empty, as it was Lois's weekend off. Rushing up to her room, Natalie quickly changed into jeans, a tee-shirt and sweater, and grabbed a change of clothes for herself and the same for Jessica, unsure of what condition her sister was in. She then made a few calls, leaving messages for both Miles and her father, that she had Jessica had changed their plans for girls night, and were heading out, rather then staying at Llanfair, just in case either man happened to come by the house and find it empty. Lastly, she decided to switch cars before heading up to the mountain.

Though Llantano Mountain was a large community, the majority of it was vacation homes, and rentals leaving only a small group of locals that actually lived in the area. As a result this group was close knit, and kept an eye out for each other, and while Asa's cabin was isolated from the rest, a lot of the residents where familiar with the Buchanan family. Though it had been quite some time since Natalie had been there, she didn't want to risk someone recognizing her car and coming over to the cabin to offer their condolences for Asa's death. So, Natalie opted for Vicki's black sedan. It was only a few months old, with tinted windows, and would allow her to get up to the property without being seen.

The entire ride up, Natalie resisted the urge to speed the whole way, not wanting to draw any attention to herself, or any tickets to act as evidence. Natalie knew enough from her days at the police station, that just the mere fact that she was driving up here knowing a crime had been committed and not calling the police, could make her an accessory after the fact.

It took nearly 45 minutes, but Natalie finally made it to the cabin and quickly pulled her car into the garage. As she walked the path toward the main house, she tried to mentally prepare herself for what she may see and hear, but stopped when she noticed only Jared's car in the driveway.

She knew this could pose a problem depending on what exactly Jessica planned to do.

Taking a deep breath, Natalie walked up the steps to the entrance, and entered the cabin. "Jess?" she called softly, as she made her way into the living room, but was stopped by her twin jumping from where she had been sitting on the couch, and running over and throwing her arms around her.

"Oh Natalie, thank God you're here," Jessica cried, her body shaking with sobs as she clung to her sister. Natalie patted, Jessica's back, and snuck a look around the living room, stopping when her eyes landed on the lifeless body lying face up on the floor. From what she could see, there was a pool of blood forming under his head.

Tearing her eyes away, she faced Jessica, "Okay, and Jess you NEED to tell me what happened."


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Nodding, Jessica tried to wipe her tears, but just continued to cry. Putting a comforting arm around her shoulder, Natalie led her toward the kitchen, thinking it would be best if she were away from Jared's body.

She settled Jessica in one of the kitchen chairs, filled a mug with water, popped it in the microwave for a minute, and put a tea bag inside. Placing the steaming mug in front of her sister, she sat opposite from her, and allowed her a few minutes to sip the tea, and calm down. It worked, and within five minutes most of the tea was gone, and the tears and sobs had subsided.

"Sweetie, you have to tell me what happened…. and this time all of it okay? And right from the beginning."

Jessica nodded, and played with the rim of her mug. "I told you how Tess met Jarred just after she had taken off, and how he was one of the guys she was sleeping with. I also told you how Tess wanted to get out of the relationship, and framed him for burglary?"

Natalie nodded, remembering a few weeks ago when Jessica had explained Tess's relationship with Jarred and how he was blackmailing her for it, and how she had hired Jared to work at BE to get him off Jessica's back.

"Well, what I didn't tell you, was that Jared could be Bree's father!" With this admission, Jessica launched into another round of sobs.

"But Bree is Nash's…. the DNA tests proved that…" A stunned Natalie tried to rationalize the situation.

"The DNA tests just proved that she wasn't Antonio's…." Jessica trailed off, as she continued to cry.

"Okay, wait, I am confused. Right after she was born, Tess, Nash and Antonio had DNA tests done…. They came back saying Nash was the father."

Jessica shook her head, "Tess had them rigged. She bribed the tech to make sure Nash was listed as the father, but she also checked to make sure Antonio wasn't. When we integrated I remembered all this, but couldn't tell them… not only would it have caused more problems for Antonio and I, it would have broken Nash's heart, and he loves Bree, and is an amazing father." Tears continued to flow down Jessica's face.

"So Jared really could be the father?"

"I don't know… she was with him, just a few days before she was with Nash, so there is a very small window… and they were careful, but were also drunk most of the time… I just don't know…."

"So why were you up here with him Jess?"

Jessica sighed and looked down at her tea, "He forced me to come up here. Nash mentioned that Bree's birthday was coming up and Jared must have put two and two together. He started harassing me again, finally he showed up at the Vineyard today and told to me to get in the car with him, or else he was going to go straight to Nash."

"Okay, so then what, what happened when you got here?"

Jessica took a deep breath and reached into her purse and grabbed a journal that she passed across to Natalie. "First, I found this in the car."

Natalie skimmed though it, and her eyes widened as she noticed all the pictures of her and Jessica, and the facts that had been written down. He had information on their history, their ex-boyfriends/husbands, jobs, and various articles on them, including ones about Natalie being kidnapped by Hayes, and Jessica's and Nash's marriage. "I can understand him collecting stuff on you if he wanted his revenge, but why me?"

Jessica shrugged, "I think you intrigued him or something. From what I remember about Tess's time with him, he grew up similarly to the way you did… alcoholic mother, wrong side of town, but Jarred got in with the wrong crowd. But he also mentioned you being part of his revenge, using you to get to me. But after I saw this I started to get a bad feeling and tried to get out of the car, but the doors were locked."

Jessica took another deep breath to steady herself and then continued. "So I tried to stay calm, and when we got here, I offered him five-hundred thousand dollars if he would just leave and never come back, and he laughed at me. Said, "Money wasn't what he wanted from me," I knew what he meant, and told him I would never sleep with him again. I tried to explain about Tess and the DID again, but he wouldn't listen… finally he lunged at me and threw me to the couch, he tried to rip my clothes off, but I fought him, and finally I was able to shove him hard enough, and he fell off me, and his head bashed into the side of the fireplace. I checked for a pulse, but there was none, and then I went to call Uncle Beau, but realized I couldn't, so I called you."

Natalie took a second to take in her twin's appearance. She had been so caught up in making sure Jessica was alright, and finding out what had happened that she hadn't taken the time to actually look her over. Now that she did, she found that there were specs of blood on Jessica's hair and body, and that her shirt was torn. There were also small bruises and cuts forming on her wrist and chest.

"So why didn't you call Uncle Beau Jess? It wasn't intentional, it was an accident. Look at you, you have the bruises to prove what he tried to do…"

Jessica shook her head. "Natalie if I called Uncle Beau, you know John would be made primary as Antonio would be a conflict of interest, and you of all people know how John is on a case. He wouldn't rest until he found out exactly what happened, and everything would come out --- why I was up here with him, about the money, about Bree… I'd lose Nash and Bree, and could be charged with the theft, and possibly his murder… it looks bad Natalie, it looks like I murdered him."

Natalie knew her sister had a point… working at the station she had seen people go away with a lot less evidence against them. She had even seen victim's of domestic violence be charged, when they finally fought back and accidentally killed their abuser. The system wasn't always fair, and even with Jessica's mental health crisis and the fact that Jarred had tried to rape her, she still could be convicted. Plus, as Jessica came from a privileged background she could easily be made an example of by the mayor, as his reelection was coming up, and he was being criticized for the lighter sentences given to those who contributed to his campaign.

"So what do you think we should do Jess?" Natalie asked, unsure if her sister had some sort of plan.

"I don't know Natalie… that's why I called you. You're the only person I can trust, you're the only person I can count on. We need to cover this up, but I don't know how."

Natalie looked at her sister incredulously, "and I do? I may have been raised in A.C, but disposing of bodies isn't exactly a specialty of mine."

More tears begin to well up in Jessica's eyes, and Natalie knew she needed to take charge. Jessica was her sister, and while she may not agree with what she wanted to do, Natalie knew with what Jessica had just told her, it was the only way to keep her sister safe. "Okay, first off, I need to call Rex…"

"Rex? But he…" Jessica began to object, but Natalie held up a hand to stop her. "First off, Rex has equipment, and contacts we don't. Jared's car is outside, we need to make that disappear, and Rex probably knows a handful of guys that can make that happen. Second, we need to get the body upstairs and cleaned off… and there is no way the two of us alone can lift him. You know how you called me because I am the only person you could trust? Well, Rex is like that for me as well, you can trust him." Jessica nodded in agreement, knowing that Natalie had a point, Rex would never betray his sister.

Reaching into her purse, Natalie pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed Rex. As much as she didn't want to involve her younger brother in this mess, Natalie knew she had no choice.

"Hey sis," Rex said as he picked up the phone.

Not wanting to waste time with greetings and pleasantries, Natalie jumped right to it. "Rex I have a really serious situation here. I need you to do exactly what I say, no questions asked… I really need you on this one Rex."

Sensing the seriousness in his sisters voice, Rex knew it must be big and quickly turned serious himself. "Alright, what do you need?"

"Do you have any PI leads that would take you out of town?"

"Um, yeah… I just got a lead that I need to head into NYC for, why?"

"Good. I need you to call Adrianna, and tell her you're heading there for a lead – just for a day or two. Grab the file, and some spare clothes, and your PI kit – with the forensics part – and head up to Asa's cabin. I really need your help here for a bit, and afterward you'll head in to NYC and actually track that lead."

"I take it that since your setting me up with a legitimate alibi, whatever you need me for is pretty illegal --- Natalie are you in some sort of trouble?" Rex asked, the worry evident in his voice.

Natalie softly smiled at his concern, "I'm fine. Just hurry. Oh! I need someone to get rid of a car – and I mean completely rid of it. Take it apart piece by piece, resell the parts, make it so it's impossible the car could ever be reassembled… but Rex, I need someone you would trust with your life. Someone that will name their price, accept the cash, and never speak of it again. I also need someone that only deals with you, okay?"

Now both curious and worried, Rex agreed and quickly began to make calls and gather his stuff. Whatever was going on was big, and Rex wanted to make sure he was there, because Natalie was obviously caught up in it.

After hanging up with Rex, Natalie surveyed the living room. "Is this is only room Jared was in?" she asked Jessica, as she peeled off her sweater and placed it on a hook by the door.

Jessica nodded. "Just here and the entrance way."

"Okay, we can't do anything about the body until Rex gets here, so for now, we are just going to leave it alone. Right now, our priority is to get any forensic evidence that Jared was ever here, gone. We need to start with the blood pool, before it sets into the flooring any more then it already has. For that, we are going to have to move the body a little to the left."

"Okay," Jessica agreed, and both girls went over to where he lay. "Just don't look at him, okay Jess… we'll move him, and that's it."

With as much effort as they could muster, they were able to move Jared's limp body away from the fireplace ledge. Once it was gone, Natalie turned toward the blood relieved to find that most of it had accumulated on the ledge, as opposed to the floor. "Jess, can you run upstairs and grad a bucket full of bleach and hot water, and another one full of floor cleaner?"

Jessica nodded, and quickly ran to get what Natalie needed. Once she was gone, Natalie glanced over at where Jared lay. She hoped she was making the right decision by helping her sister.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

It had only been a few days since Natalie, Jessica and Rex had covered up Jared's death, but Natalie was finding it hard to deal with the constant anxiety.

Once Rex had arrived and got over his initial shock at hearing what had happened, the three of them had worked as a team. Rex's contact had shown up, and for a fee of five thousand dollars cash – which Natalie had swiped from Vicki's safe on her way up – Rex had been assured that the car would never be found. Using a black light wand from Rex's PI kit, Natalie and Jessica had worked for hours and were finally able to get rid of all traces of blood from the fireplace and floor. And together they had taken care of the body.

That had not been easy.

The three of them had half dragged, half carried him into the downstairs bathroom where they had donned latex gloves, stripped him of his clothing and thoroughly rinsed the entire body down. This was to ensure no trace evidence of any of them, or the cabin remained on his body. Once done, they redressed him using a pair of standard jeans, and a plain tee-shirt that they had found upstairs in one of the bedrooms probably left by Kevin or Joey on one of their visits.

Then came the worst of it, figuring out what to do with the body.

They had debated for hours about what do to, each of them having their own opinion, but Natalie finally won out with her suggestion to make it look like a suicide. After cleaning and dressing the body, they carried him outside to the cliff that overlooked the lake and forced the body into a sitting position. Then they pushed him over.

The idea behind this was that the lake under the cliff was deep enough that they wouldn't have to worry about the body catching on some rocks and getting stuck, implicating the cabin as the scene of the crime. Plus with the time of year, the current would carry him downstream where there would be rocks, allowing for other potential injuries to occur to the body, and hopefully cover up the gash that resulted in Jared's head hitting the stone fireplace.

They had all showered and destroyed the clothes they had been wearing, then Rex had then taken off for New York City to follow his PI lead, and Natalie and Jessica had headed over to a nearby town. They had bought some new clothes, and spent the night trying to be as carefree as possible at a local club, and crashing at a hotel. They planned on claiming to have just needed a night away from Llanview.

From a forensic standpoint they had covered all their bases, and Natalie had made sure to make a few calls to Jared's cell and hotel, leaving messages about his missing work, but that wasn't helping her sleep at night. While Jared had bothered her, she had seen some of herself in him… they did have similar upbringings, and as adults where people who strove for financial stability and acceptance. And their few weeks working together since she had rehired him had been fine… Jared was ambitious, and although he did slack off sometimes, he had some good ideas.

Thinking about Jared, led Natalie back to thinking about Jessica's version of what had happened that night. It just didn't make sense. Jared had been finally getting everything he had wanted, a position at BE, a steady income, and a chance to make a difference in the corporate world, so why would he make a decision that could ruin it for him? According to Jessica, he would have raped her had she not pushed him backwards onto the ledge, but something just wasn't adding up. Yeah Jessica had been hysterical, but was it to protect herself from Jared like she had said, or was it to protect herself from the possibility of Bree's paternity coming up again?

Either way, Natalie had worked to protect her sister, and if put in the same situation again, she knew she would do the same thing.

Sighing Natalie closed her laptop and grabbed her purse. She needed a beer, and a chance to try and forget it all.

Natalie stepped into Rodi's and took a quick look around. She wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone right now, but luckily for her she didn't see any familiar faces. Walking over to the bar, she hopped up on one of the stools and forced a smile at the bartender as she ordered a burger, fries and a beer. Her beer came first and by the time her food actually came out, Natalie was on her third.

The beer was causing a warm buzz, so much so that she didn't notice John slip into the seat beside her. "Rough night?" he asked.

Jolting in shock, Natalie dropped her burger and looked at him in slight panic. "What do you mean?"

He motioned to the empty bottles that had yet to be cleared away, "Did BE drop in stocks, or fail in some takeover?"

Noticing his teasing smile, Natalie relaxed realizing he was just making conversation and not accusing her of anything. "You know, just another hard day at the office."

John ordered a beer, and they sat in silence as Natalie finished her food. Once her plate had been cleared he motioned to the empty pool table. "Are you up for a game?"

Natalie was just about to say yes when her eyes met his. Suddenly the ramifications of the Jared situation hit her like a ton of bricks. John was the only person in the world that always understood her. He could read her like a book, tell what she was thinking, and knew what she was thinking sometimes before she did. There was no way she could continue any type of relationship – even a friendship – with him after what she had just done.

The realization made her sick, and Natalie knew she had to get out of there. "I… I can't. I have to get back to BE," she mumbled as she threw down some cash for her food, and put her jacket back on.

"BE? You're not finished for the day?"

Natalie shook her head, "I'm usually there until midnight… I have a lot of paperwork I have to finish up. It was nice talking to you, see you around." And without even waiting for a reply Natalie bolted to the exit and all but ran to her car. Starting it up, she peeled out of the parking lot and pulled into the mall parking lot a few blocks away. For a few minutes she just sat in her car processing everything.

She had to stay away from John.

If anyone would be able to see through her façade of acting as if everything was fine, it would be John. And in typical John fashion he would investigate every angle until he figured out what was wrong with her. She needed to pull away. Act as if their friendship was just too hard on her since their break-up. Which in all honesty, wasn't that far from the truth.

It was the only way to protect her, and her sister.

Putting her car back in gear Natalie blinked away her tears as it finally occurred to her that the price of helping Jessica had cost her the one man she had ever truly loved and the only best friend she had ever had.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Natalie groaned as the sudden pounding on her apartment door woke her from her deep sleep. Glancing over at the beside clock, she groaned again realizing it was only a few minutes after 7:00am.

Grabbing a robe from the floor, Natalie tied it around her and padded barefoot toward the front door. She had started to move into the apartment a few days before the whole Jared drama had occurred, but it was really only her immediate family that knew her new address. With the hours she had been keeping at BE and Vicki returning from her spur of the moment trip around Europe, Natalie figured it was about time she got her own place, and so far she had no complaints.

Throwing open the door she was met by her sister holding two cups of coffee and a take-out bag from the local bagel shop. "I brought us breakfast," Jessica said as she crossed the threshold and walked toward the kitchen.

"Why are you here this early Jess? You know it's my only day off." Natalie whined as she followed her twin into the kitchen and took the coffee that was handed to her.

Jessica busied herself with taking the bagels and cream cheese out of the bag and spreading it out on the island, but Natalie persisted. "Come on Jess, what's up?"

Sighing Jessica spun around to face her sister. "I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up Nat. Nash keeps remarking that he hasn't seen or heard from Jared in days, and asking me if I have, and I have a feeling he suspects something."

"Suspects what Jess?" Natalie questioned, a sense of dread welling up in her.

"I don't know…. That I am having an affair with him or something. Nash knows I have been acting strange these past few days, and I can't help but freeze up whenever he mentions Jared's name… I just don't know what to do."

"First things first, did you get that DNA test run on Bree?" Jessica had decided that she needed to know for sure that Jared wasn't the father and had planned on taking a DNA sample to an out of state lab that did walk-in testing under the table for a small fee. Jessica nodded and smiled in relief. "Yeah, they came back positive. Nash is definitely her father."

"That's excellent news!" Natalie also felt a sense of relief at this news, as if it ever came out Nash wasn't the father, it would implicate them. "Okay, as for Nash, you just have to be strong. Try not to freeze up when he mentions Jared's name, but if there's no way you can't you just need to talk to him. Explain that the mere mention of Jared's name brings up all these feelings of being helpless like you were when Tess was in control. This is going to sound awful, but you need to do the whole sob story thing."

"Should I tell him what happened?" Jessica asked softly as she started to bite on one of her fingernails.

Natalie sighed. "Jess, I can't answer that for you. Nash is your husband, not mine. I don't have to see him, or be with him every day."

"But what if it was you… and you were married right now, would you tell your husband?"

"For me to be married right now it would have to be to John, and considering he would arrest me on the spot, no I wouldn't tell him. However, that being said, a secret like this would have been likely to ruin our relationship, and/or possibly come out."

"So if I don't tell him my marriage could be in trouble?"

"Again Jess, I can't answer that. But at the same time, this IS your third marriage… I really, really, really hope this one works out, and it seems to me it will…. But what if it doesn't? Would Nash be able to keep that secret? Would you start to feel obligated to him because he knew? And what would happen if everything does come out? He'd be an accessory after the fact. These are all things you need to think about being making that decision. I hated having to drag Rex into this mess but knew we had no other option. And the only reason I did was after ensuring he had an airtight alibi so if on the off chance we ever did get implicated, he would be in the clear."

"It's just so hard Natalie… I feel like I am constantly watching over my shoulder, waiting for someone to come up and arrest me. And now with Nash thinking I am having an affair with Jared… and the memories… the memories of him being on top of me, and what he planned to do to me… It's just really taking its told on me."

Natalie put a comforting arm around her sister and pulled her into a hug. "Sweetie, I know it's not easy. I'm feeling that same panic too, but we have to be strong. Jared was going to rape you… his death was accidental. You have to remember that. We took great care to make sure there were no traces of us on him, or traces of him at the cabin. Except for a few hours, we have an alibi. We have to try and go on living."

"But what if we get caught? What if they realize what we did?"

Natalie sighed, as much as she wanted to be supportive and calm her sister she didn't need this freak-out right now. She was just as worried, and just as upset over her conversation with John, to have to try and be the strong one. "We'll deal with that if it happens."

Jessica must have sensed her sister's change in mood, and was quickly apologetic. "Oh my god Natalie, I am being so selfish. Here I am going on and on about how I feel and how hard this is on me, that I am forgetting you're in this too. You're the one who dropped everything and risked her freedom to help me. Oh god, you must hate me."

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you. You're my twin sister Jess… a part of me. Of course I was going to do everything in my power to help you. Hell, I would take a bullet for you, it's just how this sister thing works. We are in this together."

Tears began to well up in Jessica's eyes and she hugged Natalie tightly. "I know we had our differences in the beginning, but I thank god for bringing you to Llanview. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much Natalie."

Natalie hugged her back, suddenly feeling guilty for the doubts she had had about Jessica side of the story the day before.

"I love you too Jess," she replied softly.

As she walked into Capricorn to meet Rex, Natalie groaned as her eyes came to land on Marty and John sitting in a booth to the side. She had managed to change her routine these past few days and had successfully avoided running into John. She had started to grab her morning coffee at a nearby coffee-shop rather then the diner, and had been sending her assistant to Rodi's to pick up any lunch or dinner. There had been two messages from John since their last encounter at Rodi's – the night she realized her need to pull away from him – one questioning why she had rushed out of there so fast, and the other with an offer of meeting up and grabbing a beer. As much as it killed her she had quickly deleted both messages, and tried her best to put them from her mind.

But it wasn't easy.

Though she and John hadn't exactly been close these past few months, she always knew she could go to him if she had to. That despite it all, the best friend she had once had was still there, but now, she couldn't. So Natalie did what she did best, threw herself into her work.

Until tonight.

Rex had been back from NYC for a few days and had been bugging her to meet up with him. As much as she didn't feel like being out in public and trying to act like she was having a blast, Natalie knew that her brother was worried about her and wanted to make sure she was alright. So she had agreed to meet him there after work for a drink, specifically picking the place because it wasn't Rodi's.

Sighing, she walked toward her brother and pretended not to notice John and Marty as she walked by their table. However, this proved impossible as John noticed her and greeted her as she walked by.

Feigning surprise, she looked up and forced a wide, and very much, fake smile at them. "Hey John, Hey Marty. How are you guys?"


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

"Hey John, Hey Marty. How are you guys?"

Oblivious to Natalie's obvious phony façade, but aware that she was still one of John's closest friends, Marty offered her a small smile in return, "I'm great thanks. Are you here by yourself?"

Natalie shook her head and focused on Marty, refusing to meet John's eyes. "I'm meeting my brother. I've been so busy at work I haven't seen him in a while."

"How's work going?" John broke in, fully aware that something was off with Natalie tonight. "Busy as usual," she replied in a neutral tone, only meeting his eye for a moment. "Anyways, I don't want to keep him waiting, enjoy your evening." Without even waiting for a response, Natalie offered one last smile at them and walked over toward Rex.

"That was odd." John mused softly as he watched her take a seat across from Rex.

"The fact that she was nice to me? Yeah, it's a new one." Marty remarked as she took a sip of her cosmopolitan.

"Not only that, just her whole attitude. Something seems to be wrong with her."

"What are you talking about? She was smiling, and the pleasantest I've ever seen her… especially considering what she witnessed down at the docks a few months ago, and the fact we've been a couple for the past two months."

John just shook his head and continued to stare across the room at where Natalie was now sitting. "You don't know her like I do. Natalie is very good at hiding her emotions and feelings from everyone except me. That wasn't normal behavior."

"Maybe she's still upset and jealous?" Marty suggested taking another sip.

"Nah, I don't think that's it. She's just been really strange lately. We cleared the air between us about a month ago and have met up once or twice for a drink since then, but in this past week something has shifted. She's been avoiding me, not returning my calls, and I've hardly seen her around town."

Frustrated that they were still talking about this, Marty shrugged, "I'm sure you're just imagining it John."

"For as long as I have known her, I have been able to read Natalie like a book. I could tell what she was thinking, or feeling, better then any of her family ever could. But recently its as if all the pages I am seeing are blank. I have no idea what's going on with her."

Putting down her drink Marty took a moment to really study John, and was shocked by the mixture of hurt, and worry she saw on his face. Sighing, she leaned back in her seat and smiled sadly at him. "This relationship isn't going to work John."

This statement got John's attention and his gaze snapped back to meet hers. "What? Because I am worried about Natalie? You know she's one of my closest friends…."

"All this time I've been in denial. I was so caught up in my own loneliness of missing Patrick that I missed what was right in front of me. I never really saw it until now, because I always figured Natalie was more vested in your relationship and the one clinging to it, but I never realized that your holding back wasn't because you wanted out, it was because you were too afraid."

John shifted in his seat, uncomfortable at being analyzed. "You don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled taking a sip of his beer.

"Yeah I do, I finally understand it. Coming back from that accident allowed you to be more open with certain things such as telling Natalie you loved her, but it scared you in other aspects. You saw how quickly life could be over, and you saw how losing you had almost destroyed her, and got scared. You weren't getting annoyed at her clinging to you and pressuring you into marriage, but rather scared at how much she had changed because of her fear of losing you. That's why you started to pull away, but you never stopped loving her, it's written all over your face."

"Natalie and I are better as friends." Was all John could say, unable to argue with any else Marty had just said. While he never really looked at it that way, it did make sense.

"Maybe so, but that's not going to change how you feel about her. You look at Natalie, the way I looked at Patrick. Feelings like that just don't go away John. Patrick's been dead for nearly three years, but I still have those feelings for him. I just wanted to get on with my life so badly and you had been nothing but amazing to me, that I totally missed how much you're still in love with Natalie. So as much as I have enjoyed our time together these past few weeks, I have to say I think we're also better off as friends."

There was a part of John that was disappointed at hearing Marty's words, but there was another part that was also relieved. Marty was a great woman, but like with Evangeline there had just been something missing. "I wasn't trying to lead you on or anything," 

Marty smiled, "I know. I think a part of you really wanted this to work… because I'm not her, I was a safe choice. Someone you could learn to care about, and maybe even some day love, but still never lose yourself in the passion and intensity that only comes from that one true love, the love you had with Natalie. I think in a sense I was doing the same, not wanting to experience that with anyone other then Patrick. I'm just glad we realized it sooner, rather then later. But I hope we can still remain friends."

John nodded and agreed that they could, but his mind was racing with thoughts. Marty had given him a lot to think about, and as he glanced over at where Natalie sat with Rex, he wondered if there was some truth to Marty's analysis.

Natalie could feel John's eyes on her all throughout dinner and it made her very uncomfortable. So much so, Rex easily picked up on it, and attributed it to what had happened at Llantano Mountain last week. Taking a quick look around to make sure there was no attention on them, Rex lowered his voice, leaned across the table and whispered, "Are you sure you are okay, with everything that…. happened? Because you don't look to well."

Allowing her happy façade to break, Natalie's face fell and she shook her head. "It's not just that… I don't regret what I did. I know it was the right thing to do…. I do however regret getting you involved. I always promised myself I would do whatever I could to keep you safe, and I broke that promise by calling you that night."

"Come on Nattie, you know that's not true. You did everything to make sure I was safe… and covered. You needed someone you trusted, someone to keep you safe, and you called me. It's the same as Jess calling you because you're her sister and she needed you, you called me because I am your brother and you needed me."

Natalie smiled, grateful to have Rex in her life. "I guess I am just worried, for all of our sakes."

"We took every measure to be careful and we executed the plan flawlessly. We will be fine Nattie, I assure you, and if by chance we're not… between you and Jessica's trust funds, the three of us can easily buy new identities, plastic surgery and relocate down to the Caribbean or to Switzerland."

Natalie cracked a smile at her brother's humor but sighed before taking a sip of her beer. "It's not just that…"

"It's John?" Rex finished for her.

"Am I that obvious?" Natalie asked with a smile.

"Not really, but with the way his eyes have been trained on you this whole night I figured he might factor in somewhere. Are you still upset that it didn't work out? I know it must be hard seeing him with the shrink all the time."

"No, I am happy that we broke up. Losing him and then having him come back like that, changed me into someone I didn't like. I was needy and clingy, things that are far from who I am. I was so scared of losing him, that I let my fear destroy who I was. I guess I do have some regrets… you know, wished that I had acted differently, hadn't been the way I was…. But it's not really the break up, I am mostly over that. It's the fact that this time I really have lost him for good."

"What do you mean? I thought you and John were fine… you know, trying that whole friends route, yet again."

Natalie nodded, "We were, but after everything that's happened, I realized it just won't work."

At first Rex was confused by what Natalie meant, but after her raised eyebrow and pointed stare, he realized she was referring to the whole Jared situation. "I don't see how that matters."

"John knows me better then anyone, you know that Rex. He can tell what I'm thinking and feeling…. Hell, how many times has he figured what scheme I am up to, just based on knowing me?" Rex nodded, knowing she had a point there, but let her continue.

"I can't be friends with him and keep something like this hidden. It's too big and it's never going to go away. It's always going to be with me."

"It's going to me with me to Nattie, but I'm fine living with Adrianna…"

"But it's completely different Rex. Adrianna is a typical human being who understands that things are not only black and white, that they can have grey areas. John is not. John is encompassed by the badge that he wears. Look at how he was with the Tommy situation. John actually grappled with right and wrong when it came to taking that baby away from his only brother, and giving it to a rapist and criminal. John's morals are so entertained with his badge, that he only sees black and white. Do you think he would have ever helped Michael in the way I helped Jess, or you helped me? No, it's nothing something he could ever consider."

Although Rex knew Natalie had a point, he still couldn't understand what the problem was seeing as John didn't suspect anything, so he asked her, "but he doesn't know, so what's the problem?"

Natalie sighed and tried to explain it, "When I look at John, all I can see is the way he would look at me if he ever found out. I am made to feel like a suspect or a criminal in his presence… and that's without him even suspecting me. I just can't act normal around him. Anyone else I'm fine. I've seen mom, dad, Renee, Nash, Michael, all the people I work with, and even Uncle Bo, and I am fine. I can push it out of my mind, and go on living life. But when I see John, it all comes rushing back. I feel guilt, and fear, and worry… and it's inescapable. So, I realized I just have to pull away, and not subject myself to that. But it's hard… it's really hard. John's been this big fixture of my life for so long, he's always been there no matter what issues we were going through, so to just cut him out feels as if I have lost a part of me."

Knowing that there were no words to comfort her, Rex just reached across the table and a placed his hand over hers, hoping that this small gesture would somehow be able to help her in some way.


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Another week passed and Natalie continued to successfully evade John. She had heard rumors around town that John and Marty's relationship had been short-lived and that they were back to just being friends and occasional co-workers, but Natalie ignored this and went about her business. She focused her time on B.E matters, as well as in decorating her new apartment. Neither job was fun, but they kept her mind off both John, and Jared.

The sense of loss she felt at having John out of her life was slowly starting to numb, and Natalie hoped it would just get easier with time. However, fate seemed to be working against her when Clint caught her on her way out to lunch, holding a large manila envelope.

"Oh good, I'm glad I caught you," Clint said as he leaned over and hugged his daughter. "I am just on my way to meet a client and was hoping you could do me a quick favor?"

Natalie smiled at her father, happy that he was finally relying on her. "Sure dad, what do you need?"

"Bo hasn't had time to sign his half of Pa's shares over to me yet, so he still has a deciding vote in BE matters. I have to meet with the board latter this afternoon and need him to sign this motion for a business venture I am proposing. I was going to run it over to the station myself, but Mr. Robertson just walked in, and we can't afford not to take this meeting."

A sense of dread began to form in the pit of Natalie's stomach. Showing up at the station was not on her list of ways to avoid John. "Why don't you just send Melissa over?" Natalie asked, referring to her father's trusted assistant.

"She's not back from her lunch yet, and there's no one else in this building I trust more then my own daughter."

As it was rare Natalie got any type of high praise from her father, his flattery won her over and she accepted the envelope, with the promise of getting them back to him as quickly as she could.

Sighing, Natalie stepped on the elevator and prayed that John was out on some case.

When she got to the station, Natalie quickly scanned the parking lot looking for John's car. Not seeing it, she breathed a sense of relief and hurried through the doors, and up towards the main floor.

It took her a few minutes to get to her uncle's office as she was met by a bunch of officers that she had worked with, and spent a few minutes making small talk, and getting teased about her new corporate look. After promising the guys she would meet up with them at Rodi's sometime soon, she headed toward Bo's door, and loudly knocked.

As much as she was enjoying BE, she did miss it here. All of the officers were great, and despite being a police station, the LPD had been a laid back and enjoyable place to work.

Natalie was interrupted from her thoughts by her uncle's call of "Come in," and she quickly snapped out it and entered his small office. "Hey Uncle Bo, Dad sent me over with those BE papers he needed you to sign…." Natalie trailed off as she noticed John sitting in one of the small chairs across from her uncle. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. I can wait outside until you are finished."

But Bo didn't notice his niece's discomfort and smiled widely at her, "Oh no, come on in. John and I were just going over the latest cases going to trial." Bo stood up from his desk and wrapped Natalie in a tight hug. "I haven't seen you much, I've missed you."

Natalie smiled and hugged her uncle back. She was both glad and thankful that he seemed to have gotten over his disappointment in her for tampering with evidence. Since finding out she was a Buchanan, Bo had played more of a role in her life then father had and she didn't want to lose that bond she had with him.

Breaking out of their hug, Natalie handed Bo the envelope and he sat back down at his desk to glance over them. As he did that, John looked over at Natalie and studied her for a moment before saying, "I haven't seen you around much."

Shrugging, Natalie tuned toward him for a moment, "I've just been really swamped at BE."

"I've called you a few times, hoping that we could maybe meet for a beer or some pool."

Natalie forced a small smile, "That sounds fun, I'll call you when things die down a bit."

John was about to try and force the issue further, but was interrupted by Bo standing up and handing the papers back to Natalie. "All signed. You can tell your dad that I didn't bother to read them over. He knows BE a hell of a lot better then I do, so I trust his judgment."

This earned a genuine smile from Natalie as she laughing said, "That's probably a good thing. If you were to turn into another annoying shareholder pestering him with questions and ideas, I think he'd shoot you."

Bo laughed and came out from around the desk to walk her out of the office, but stopped when they neared the door. "Listen, I've been meaning to give you a call. Matthew got some new video game he keeps bragging that you'll never be able to beat him at, and he's been after me to invite you over for dinner, especially when he found out you moved out on your own. I think he's worried your living in Rodi's takeout."

"I am living on Rodi's take out!" Natalie laughed, and for a moment forgot John was in the room. "Sure, that sounds nice. Maybe this Saturday?"

Bo nodded with a smile. "Now, where is your new place again?"

"Oakwood Towers, it's just three blocks south of BE."

"Okay… that's a good area." Seeing Natalie's eye roll Bo just smiled at her. "What? I have to ask, I'm your uncle and cop. It's my job to make sure you're living somewhere safe."

"It's very safe. I'm even up on the fifth floor! You have nothing to worry about. Anyways I have to get back to BE. Bye Uncle Bo, see you Saturday." Then remembering John was still there, Natalie turned toward him and offered him that fake smile. "Bye John."

Natalie had almost made it to the elevator when John came up behind her and gently grabbed her arm. "We need to talk," his voice was low, and he all but yanked her into his office.

"I have to get back to BE, these papers are important," Natalie protested, trying to weasel out of his grasp.

"This will only take a second," John let go of her, and closed the door. Turning back toward her he finally burst out, "What the hell is up with you?"

"What are you taking about?" Natalie pretended to look confused, "you're the one who just forced me into you're office. I should be asking what's wrong with you…."

"You've been avoiding me for days."

"I told you, I've been busy at BE…."

"Cut the crap Natalie. You haven't returned any of my phone calls, I haven't seen you at the diner or at Rodi's at all, and you barely look me in the eyes when you have actually run into me. And then I have to overhear a conversation between you and Bo to even find out that you've moved out of Llanfair. What's going on?"

"You're imagining things John. I am fine, we are fine…"

Frustrated at her behavior, John ran a hand through his hair and clenched his jaw to keep from snapping. "I thought we had gotten over everything and agreed to put the past behind us."

"We did."

"Then why have you been going out of your way to avoid me?"

"You don't know what you are talking about," Natalie weakly protested, she was feeling her resolve wavier and didn't like it. Luckily their argument was interrupted by a soft knock on the office door, and then a middle-aged man opened the door and poked his head in. "I'm sorry to interrupt, the receptionist told me you were free Lieutenant. I can wait outside."

Seeing this as her means of escaping, Natalie quickly opened the door wider and ushered the man in. "I have to get back to work anyway. Bye John," and once again without waiting for him to respond, Natalie just left.

Sighing in frustration, John closed the door, walked behind his desk and took a seat. "What can I help you with?" He asked, unable to keep the annoyance at being interrupted out of his voice.

But the man was oblivious and handed him a folder. "I am Steve James an officer with the Pennsylvania Parole Board, and I wanted to report a missing person."

John look the folder and looked warily at him, "If there was a missing person report filed on all the parolee's that have left the state and violated their agreement, there would be an entire room full of paper."

Steve nodded, and helped himself to a seat across from John. "I completely agree with you, however this guy was different." Sensing John's mental eye roll, Steve persisted. "I know you've probably heard that a million times, but this guy really was. I have in this business for nearly twenty years and I have never been so impressed by someone's commitment to getting back on track. I am not saying the guy was the greatest, because to be quite frank, he's a cocky piece of shit, but he's not the type to skip town."

"Let me guess, he had a wife? A few kids?" John offered the typical responses he had gotten from other officers when looking for a re-offender.

But Steve shook his head. "A promising career. I don't know how this guy managed it, but within a month of his release he had bought a controlling share in a local vineyard, and secured an executive level position at Buchanan Enterprises. Trust me, Jared Banks wouldn't have skipped out on that job."

This got John's attention and he quickly flipped open the file folder and studied the picture, surprised to realize this was the guy he had seen Natalie playing pool with a few weeks ago. John skimmed the file and looked back at the parole officer. "He was in for burglary?"

Steve nodded. "He got an early release due to good behavior. According to the warden, he was a model prisoner."

"Banks have any family?"

"No. Dad skipped out when he was a kid, mom died when he was twelve. Banks ended up in foster care, got into with a bad crowd. Some trouble with drugs and theft as a minor, but stayed out of trouble until being picked up on the burglary charge."

"What makes you think he's missing?" John asked as he continued to go through the information on Jared.

"Ever since being assigned to me Banks has never missing a meeting, until last week. I called the hotel where he'd been staying and they told me his stuff was still in his room, but they hadn't seen him in almost two weeks, and when I called his work I was told no one there had seen him."

"It says here, Banks only graduated high school. How did he manage to get into BE and get the money to buy a vineyard?"

"I wondered the same thing myself."

Closing the folder, John looked up at Steve, "I'll get someone to look into it and will call you if they find out anything."

Once the officer had left, and John was again alone in his office, his mind began to wader. Natalie had been acting strange these past few weeks, and now one of her employees who he had seen her around with, had been reported missing. Add to it the purchase of the Vineyard and the job he had no qualifications for, something just didn't add up.

Grabbing his jacket from behind his chair, John put it on and grabbed the file folder. This was something he was going to look into himself.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

Jared's file listed a small motel on the outskirts of town as his residence, so John decided that was the first place he would start. After heading up to Jared's room and banging on the door for a few minutes, John headed toward reception where he managed to catch the owner on her way out. He went through the process of showing her his badge and explaining who he was looking for, and managed to convince her to pull up Jared's information. It showed that he had paid in cash up until the end of the month and without even being asked, the manager confirmed that she hadn't seen him around lately, and the maids had noticed that despite all his stuff being there, his bed wasn't being slept in.

Getting the sense that the woman was a bit of a busy body, John decided to see what else he could learn and casually asked, "did you ever see anyone coming or going from his room?"

The woman nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah. For a while there those two heiress sisters were coming and going like they owned the place."

As Llanview was a small town and not too full of heiresses, John had an uneasy feeling as to who she was referring to but he knew he needed to be sure. "Heiresses?"

"Yeah, those Buchanan twins. The blonde one started showing up just after he moved in, usually looking pretty pissed off. One of my maintenance men even told me that he witnessed her storming into the room and slugging him in the stomach. The red head was only here a few times, but there was this one night over a month ago, where she came in looking pretty angry with him but didn't stumble out of his room until the next morning. The girl could barely walk straight, I have no idea how she managed to drive home. And from what the maids told me, the room showed that something wild had taken place that night." She paused for a moment, and her eyes lit up, "You don't think he was doing both girls do you? Because let me tell you, that would make a good story to send into the tabloids."

John tried to keep his anger in check, and forced a smile for the owner. "Is there anything else you noticed? Anything suspicious?"

She shook her head. "Aside from the two girls coming and going in separate shifts, nothing. He seemed like an ideal tenant. Kept the noise down, paid the bill. That's really all I really care about."

John considered asking her to let him into Jared's room, but figured since he had just been reinstated, it was probably best to follow procedure and get a warrant. But, deep down John knew there was a larger motivation behind deciding to wait. Part of him was worried about the possibility that he would find something that incriminated Natalie. Sighing in frustration, John got back into his car and decided his next stop had to be Buchanan Enterprises.

But the whole way over he couldn't help but mutter to himself, "Natalie, what the hell have you gotten yourself into now?"

When he stepped into Buchanan Enterprises plush, elegant office, John couldn't help but feel out of place. Flashing his badge at the security guard, he was told that her office was on the twentieth floor and was ushered toward the elevator that would take him there. The entire ride up, he tried to sort out what exactly he was going to say to her, and reminded himself to keep his temper in check.

So what if Natalie spent the night with this guy? He had been dating Marty for nearly a month…. It would be hypocritical for him to be upset at the fact she was moving on.

But even as he told himself that, he felt the anger and jealously begin to rise as he remembered the owners description of the "wild disarray" the room was left in.

The elevator doors opening broke John out of his thoughts and he strode purposely toward the receptionists desk. Looking down at her name place, he introduced himself to her and explained he was looking into the disappearance of Jared. She confirmed that he had been hired by Natalie, and had been working with her, but that neither of them had seen or heard from him in over a week.

Motioning to Natalie's office door, John asked if she was free to answer some questions, to which Tina readily agreed. Llanview was a small town, and everyone knew that John had been the one to rescue Natalie from Hayes, so despite their well known break up, Tina incorrectly assumed that Natalie would always have time for the man who had saved her and let him go in.

Walking into the office, John ignored Natalie's look of surprise, and the annoyed tone that asked what he was doing there and made his way toward her desk. It was a shock to see her all dressed up in the corporate suit, and sitting behind the large mahogany desk working, but he pushed it aside. Not bothering to wait for an invitation, John took a seat in one of the chairs facing her. His earlier hurt and frustration of being blown off by her, coupled with his newfound jealously and suspicion, blended together and created a very aggressive John McBain. Without even bothering to say hello, he began to speak, "You know we may have two completely different jobs, but our positions are somewhat similar."

Sighing, Natalie clicked the save button on her laptop and closed the screen before meeting his gaze. "That's why you barged into my office uninvited? To compare our jobs?"

John just ignored her and continued talking, "We are both in a position of leadership, we're people who are in charge of other employees. We are the ones to make sure they do their job right, and show up to work…"

A sinking feeling began to form in the pit of her stomach, but she forced herself to remain calm. "That's a fascinating observation John, but I really have to get back to work."

"I mean if one of my officers hadn't shown up for work in over a week, and no one had seen or heard from him, I probably would do something. I mean at the very least, file a missing persons report or something. I would imagine that's what any person in an executive position would do, don't you think Natalie?"

Natalie just shrugged, "I guess it would depend on the person."

"Let's take a person like Jared Banks for instance. He's worked here for nearly two months hasn't he?"

"I'd have to check his personal file, but I think that sounds about right."

"And from the impression your receptionist just gave me, he was working closely with you on a few projects wasn't he?"

"Some."

"So then why is it, one of your employees basically vanishes and you don't seem concerned?"

"What do you mean he's vanished?" Natalie asked, trying her best to feign shock.

"His parole officer came to the station today and filed a missing persons report. Normally a missing parolee wouldn't become anyone's priority, but when I looked at his file it kind of struck me as odd." 

"Jared's on parole?" This was news to Natalie, as Jessica had just mentioned he'd been let out of jail, not that he was on parole.

"Yeah, he was charged with a burglary. But we'll get to that in a minute. As I was saying, as I read his file it struck me as odd that an ex-con whose only been in town a few months manages to buy a controlling share in your brother-in-law's vineyard, and score an executive level job at BE, without any business school background. And then, when he disappears only a month later, no one bothers to report him missing."

"Have you ever actually met Jared, John?" Natalie asked with a small sigh, hoping that her face wasn't looking as panicked as she felt. When John shook his head she continued. "Jared is a sneaky conniving con-artist, whose only concern is money. He strolled into my office, claiming to have met my grandfather at the Palace, and that he had been promised a job. When that didn't work, he produced a fake resume, claiming to have gone to the same school as Duke. And when I saw through that, he gave me a run down on my past and personality. Telling me how he knew about my upbringing, and how this job was just another means of my trying to fit in with my family, ending on the fact, that I never will actually fit in, because I am too different then them, and will never fit in their mold of perfection."

"Sounds like a real winner."

"Exactly. So after I kick him out of my office, he goes and manages to buy Antonio's half of the Vineyard. He then comes to me and uses that purchase as a bargaining chip. He'll stay out of Nash's business, if I hire him. So I did. That Vineyard is Nash and Jessica's dream, I wasn't about to let Jared get in the way."

"So he was blackmailing you?"

Natalie shook her head. "No, I had something he wanted, and he had something I wanted. But my point is all Jared Banks cares about is an easy score. He realized that the Vineyard wasn't going to make him rich, so he came into BE with visions of grandeur. He imagined himself climbing up the ladder and taking over, but once he started here he realized that the reality is its long hours, and hard work. His work started slipping, and then he stopped showing up. I called his cell a few times but it kept going to voice mail, so I went by his hotel and there was no answer. I just figured he moved on to look for his next score."

"So you don't like the guy?" John asked, as he readjusted himself in the chair.

"Not really, no."

"So do you just make a habit of spending the night with guys you've just met, and don't really like?" John snapped, his eyes flashing with anger and a touch of jealously.

Now Natalie's earlier panic was being replaced by anger, "I wasn't aware that my personal life had become the LPD's business."

"Not if it stays personal it doesn't. But when you're seen stumbling out of a persons hotel room in the early hours of morning, then hire the guy when he has no qualifications for the job but continue to claim you don't like him, only weeks before he goes missing, it becomes our business. God Natalie, first Paul, then Vincent, then Miles, and now Jared… do you just purposely look for the guys the spell trouble? I mean all of them have records, all of them have been in involved in god knows how many illegal activities… yet they come to town and it's like your drawn to them."

"You know what John you're right. I am a complete idiot when it comes to picking men to be in relationships with, I do go for the jerks that treat me like shit," John knew this was a dig at him, but he forced himself not to react. "But Miles and Vince are my friends, and I don't care what they may have done in the past, all I know is their both great friends. Now, back to this whole police matter. While I admit it is natural to come in and question me regarding my professional and personal relationship with Jared Banks, I sure as hell know it's not part of LPD policy to storm into my office, and criticize my choices in men and friends, and I'm sure Uncle Bo would just love to hear how one of his lieutenants is breaking the policy. From what I understand you just got reinstated after the whole Michael thing... what is this, the third suspension now? I highly doubt the review board will be happy to see yet another complaint added to your file."

Though hurt by Natalie's snide behavior, John pushed it aside. "Fine, I'll stick to the case. What were you doing in his hotel room that night?"

"That's part of the case?" Natalie asked in disbelief, "do you seriously think I had something to do with his disappearance?"

"I have to follow all angles."

"So if I said I was in there fucking him all night long, what happens? I become part of your suspect list?"

John winced, but covered it up with a shrug. "For all I know it happened and he started blackmailing you for it. The hotel clerk that saw you the next morning said you looked pretty hung over and disheveled."

Natalie sighed, feeling all the energy go out of her. "Nothing happened. I was upset, I needed someone to take it out on, I went there to confront him on his stalker-like behavior, he offered me a drink and I stupidly accepted it, and continued to drink until I passed out."

"What were you upset about?"

"Again, I really don't think that's relevant to your investigation."

"I'm not asking as a cop, I'm asking as your friend."

Natalie just rolled her eyes, stood up and began gathering up her paperwork. But bothered by the way she continued to brush him off, John persisted. "Come on Natalie, I thought we put the past behind us? I thought we were going back to being friends… but yet you keep avoiding me, this morning at the station you could barely look at me, what's going on with you?"

Throwing the stuff roughly in her briefcase, Natalie turned back toward him her eyes narrowed. "The more I think about it, the more I realize that this friendship thing just isn't going to work. In the entire time we've known each other there was just a small period of time when we were friends… all the rest of the time, I either hated you, or loved you. And we never did the friend thing well anyway, because there was always too much sexual tension there. And today, when you storm into my office and attack my personal choices, that just reinforces the idea that you're not someone I can have in my life any longer."

Natalie paused and slid her laptop into the bag. "John, I am almost over you, almost over us. I wasn't lying when I said your death nearly killed me, if it wasn't for your brother and my mom, I would have lost all will to live. But in the end things didn't work out for us. And that's fine. As much as it hurt and killed me to do so, I don't regret for a second ending things. I finally realized that I deserved a lot better then what we had. You have to understand that I spent my entire childhood growing up with the yelling, and the fighting, and constant feeling that I wasn't good enough, or even wanted. Hell Roxy told me so on a daily basis. So there was no way I was going to stay in a relationship where all those feelings and insecurities overcame me again. And I know it wasn't just you, I had a lot of do with that too, but the point is, as much as it hurt for us to be over, it was for the best."

John opened his mouth and tied to interrupt her, but Natalie ignored him and continued to speak. "But, I can't just forget it all and go back to just being friends, I don't want to. I don't want to have to see you moving on Marty, or watch how much happier she makes you. And I don't want you seeing what I do with my life, and judging the decisions I make. It just won't work. Of course it's a small town and we are bound to run into each other, and that's fine. I run in to Cris all the time, especially now that he's sort of dating my cousin, but are we friends? Do we play pool and hang out? No. It just wouldn't work."

Closing her briefcase, she reached for her purse and began walking toward the door. "I hope you're able to find Jared, and if you have more questions feel free to call my receptionist for an appointment. Daniel Robertson's office is down the hall on your left, he was also working with Jared, so I imagine you'll want to talk to him." Pausing in the doorway she looked one last time at him, "and for the record, the answer to your question about what made me so upset that I ended up drunk in Jared's room, is the same reason I've always self-destructed in the past, which is exactly why this friendship thing just won't work."

With those parting words Natalie rushed from the office, leaving a stunned and hurt, John in her wake.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight **

As soon as Natalie was out of the BE building and in the safety of her car, she realized she had to act fast, and not dwell on what had just happened. She figured that John would take another hour or so to talk to the other BE employees, and then head over to the Vineyard to question Nash and Jessica… something she needed to warn them about.

Putting the car in gear, Natalie sped toward their house and made it there in record time. Jumping out of the car, she all but ran to up the path and banged on the door, praying that they were both home.

Luckily they were.

Nash looked both surprised and annoyed when he opened the door, but Natalie ignored it and walked past him into the living room where Jessica was sitting with Bree.

"Hey Natalie…. this is a surprise," Jessica said as she jumped up and gave her sister a quick hug.

"I'm sorry to stop by like this, but I need to talk to you both, it's about Jared."

Jessica looked over at her in panic, and gave a slight shake of her head – which Natalie took as a sign that she had decided not to tell Nash about what they had done. Flashing Jessica a reassuring smile, Natalie waited until Nash was seated on the couch before talking. "John was just as my office, apparently Jared's parole officer reported him as a missing person and they're looking in to it."

Nodding, Nash piped in, "Yeah, I have been trying to get a hold of him for a few days and nothing. Do you think he skipped town?"

"I don't know… what I do know is John knows that Jared bought the share in your vineyard, and that I hired him for a position at BE that he wasn't qualified for. He's getting suspicious."

"You didn't tell him about Tess and her part in it, did you?" Jessica asked in a panic.

"No, of course not. But I had to tell him something. I just told him that Jared was a jerk who was obsessed with success. That he bought out Antonio and I gave him a job at BE to get him off your backs. I have a feeling he's going to be stopping by here sometime tonight and I want to make sure we all have our stories straight."

"Wait a minute, are you telling me we're suspects?" Nash asked incredulously, "That's crazy. I know Jared's an ass, but why would any of be involved with his disappearance?"

Natalie shared a quick look with Jessica before turning back to her brother-in-law. "You have to look at it from an outsiders view here. Jared comes to town, buys a controlling share in your vineyard. A few weeks later I hire him at BE despite the fact he has no experience, and then I fire him. So he moves in here, starts hanging around Sarah until she and Cris get together, and I hire him back so he moves out of here and backs off you. Witnesses have seen both Jess and I yelling at him, the BE employees know I fired him, and people know he lived here. Despite the fact none of us had anything to do with this, we do look suspicious. And normally I would suggest that we all tell the truth and have faith in the fact the evidence will prove us innocent, but I think we can all agree there are certain things we would ALL prefer stayed hidden."

With a sigh, Nash nodded. "Okay, you're right. Let's go over our story."

The first thing John did when he got back to his room that night was crack open a beer. It had been a long day, and his head was pounding. After his confrontation with Natalie at BE he had spoken to a few other employees, most of which who were willing to fill him in on ALL the gossip, but "off the record." So far he had found out that Natalie had suddenly hired Jared, then fired him, only to re-hire him back a few weeks later – a fact that she had seemed to leave out when they had talked. John also had a few mentions that they found it odd how much Jessica seemed to be coming around visiting Natalie in her office. In addition to that he had also been told that there had been talk that Jared had moved into the Vineyard, something that had been confirmed by Jessica and Nash when he showed up to question them.

Taking a seat on the couch, John took a minute to just process everything. Jessica and Nash's story had been the same as Natalie's, suspiciously identical to hers. Everything she had told them about Jared and his motives, they had echoed right back to him, something that made John sure that something was being covered up. Standing up and grabbing another beer from the fridge, John decided he needed some fresh air to clear his head, and headed up to the roof.

But as soon as John sat on the bench and leaned against the cool, brick exterior he was struck by a memory of their time together.

_Natalie: Hmm. Hmm. Can I accept that you won't tell me everything? And can I accept that you hold things inside and can't or won't let go of them? _

_John: It's for your own good. _

_Natalie: Ok. Let me ask you this. If I was the one who wouldn't or couldn't, how hard would it be for you to accept? So, John, would it bother you if I kept things from you? _

_John: No. _

_Natalie: You -- you lie. You nearly tortured me when you wanted to know what happened between Paul Cramer and me. _

_John: Well, I just figured you didn't want to get arrested for murder, which in hindsight I think was a good thing. _

_Natalie: Mm-hmm. Maybe I should use that excuse. _

_John: Hmm. You just got to understand, sometimes there are going to be things that I just can't tell you. _

_Natalie: Ok. I can accept that. But you have to accept the fact that there's going to be times where I can't share things with you. _

_John: Deal. _

_Natalie: Deal. _

As John took a slug of his beer, he realized just how right Natalie had been, even to this day he hated when she kept things from him. John knew it was a double standard as he always seemed to be keeping things from her, but he had always wished their earlier openness and trust had remained in their relationship.

After Vegas their relationship had been one that was open. If Natalie was mad at him, she would tell him. If she was upset or needed to talk, she felt comfortable enough to come to him… and for the most part he did the same. She was the first person he had even opened up to about Caitlyn, and he really attributed their relationship to his ability to finally move on. But after Paul, Evangeline, Statesville, and all the relationship ups and downs that followed, that part of their relationship failed, and it became one based on secrets, and lies. John knew now just how much Natalie had changed toward the end of their relationship, and wished he could have really realized the reasons behind it sooner. To him, she was being clingy, and pressuring him into a proposal he was not ready for, but what he never fully understood until their conversation at BE that afternoon, were the reasons why she became that.

He had never known that all the yelling and insecurities their relationship had become, were reminding her of her childhood.

Forcing himself away from the issue, he continued to think about that night and how it had led to their first time making love. "That night was amazing," John thought to himself, as he found himself lost in the memory.

_Natalie: Good. Good, because I just wanted to get the rules established before we get this relationship off the ground. _

_John: Whoa. Now, who said anything about a relationship? _

_Natalie: Really? I mean, who are the food and drinks for, then? _

_John: What, you break a little bread with somebody and then all of a sudden you're in a relationship? _

_Natalie: I'm going to slug you for that. _

_John: There's no need to get violent. There's no need for violence here. _

_Natalie: Another rule? _

_John: Well, I've seen you throw a punch. _

_Natalie: So you saying that you don't want me to get physical? _

_John: No, I didn't say anything about that, but, I mean, if you're going to get physical -- _

_Natalie: Shut up and kiss me. _

_John: You're very pushy. _

_Natalie: Mm-hmm. _

_John: Give me one second. _

_Natalie: Ok. _

_John: Ok? _

_John: You sure you're ok? _

_Natalie: Yeah. _

_John: You know, whenever I, um -- I thought about this -- _

_Natalie: So you admit that you thought about it? _

_John: Yeah, I admit it. When you went missing, these feelings, they started sneaking up on me, these feelings that I -- I thought were long gone. But they were there -- strong feelings about you, for you. Sometimes I just imagined us up here on the roof, stars shining down on us. And it just seemed so real. _

_Natalie: Well, it is real, and it's right here in front of you. So what are you going to do? _

_John: I'm going to take it. _

Even now, over two years later, John kicked himself for wasting so much time being scared of what he felt for her. While Hayes kidnapping Natalie was by far the worst thing she had even had to endure, and John wished she didn't have to live with those memories, he knew if it wasn't for that situation he never would have actually faced his feelings.

Almost losing Natalie like that had almost killed him, yet when he had had the choice to spend the rest of this life with her he had thrown it all away.

Only now he was beginning to realize it was one of the worst decisions he had ever made.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

The next few days passed without incident, but Natalie found herself always looking over her shoulder and bracing herself for another visit from John. She knew he wasn't stupid, in fact, out of all the cops she had come into contact with throughout her youth and adulthood, he was probably the smartest, and most driven one she'd ever met.

Which was what scared her.

Out of all the officers to take over Jared's missing person case, she hated the fact that it was him. Despite following her forensic training to a tee, and doing everything she could to cover up the murder, if anyone would be able to find any evidence, it would be John. He was just that good.

But she had heard through the grapevine that John was busy with trying to find Marcie and Tommy, and dealing with Michael and his upcoming perjury trial. So Natalie was hoping that kept him busy for awhile and away from the case.

But, luck was not on her side as at the end of the month John got a phone call from the owner of Jared's hotel. He had just been heading out to follow another lead on Marcie, when she called and explained that Jared had only paid up until the end of the month and if he didn't show up by the end of the day she was getting rid of all his stuff.

Realizing this was his chance to get into the room, John quickly put off the Marcie situation and headed over there. After talking to both Natalie and Jessica, John had gone to Nora to try and get a warrant to search Jared's room, but was told there was not enough probable cause to issue one. There had been no signs of foul play, and because John had left out his suspicions on Natalie and Jessica, Nora had thought it would be a waste of time and energy. He knew if he had told her about his feeling that they were covering up something, and the suspicious circumstances surrounding Jared's involvement with them he probably could have gotten the warrant, but he couldn't do that to Natalie. Right now he was operating on a feeling, one that he still held out hope was wrong, so until he had any evidence he was just going to sit on it.

As soon as the owner had let him into Jared's room, John began to pull it apart. From his initial glance there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary. The room was clean and well kept. But, once John started going through the closet's and drawers, he realized the theory of a parolee skipping town, was highly unlikely. All of Jared's clothes, and shoes were still there, and his large suitcase stood empty in the corner. The bathroom held an array of toiletries, and one of Asa's business books was laid on the night table with a bookmark placed about halfway through it.

There was no way Jared had decided to skip town willingly.

Sighing, John donned a pair of latex gloves and began going through all the cabinets and drawers, not really finding anything of importance except some documents on the Vineyard and his contract for BE. There as also no sign of his wallet, or cell phone suggesting he hadn't left the room in too much of a hurry. John made a mental note to check into Jared's cell phone and credit card records when he got back to the station.

John was just about to give up, when on a whim he decided to just check the suitcase as well. The pockets and zippered compartments were empty, but when he turned it over and looked inside, John noticed a slight bulge coming from underneath the lining. Unzipping it he found a medium sized bag full of plain white pills.

Realizing that this had just become a crime, John bagged the pills into an evidence folder, and wrote down the time and details of his find on the outside. Slipping it into his pocket, he made his way back to the lobby and asked the owner to box up Jared's stuff and to give him a call when she was done rather then throwing it away.

Once he was back at the station, John headed straight down to the Lieutenant of Narcotics, Greg Williams, and handed him the evidence envelope. "I just found this in the hotel room of a missing person, can you tell me what it is?"

Greg pulled out the bag of pills and opened it up. He took a few minutes to examine them, and count them before resealing it and handing it back to John. "You will have to follow procedure and take it to the lab for testing, but I am certain it's Rohypnol."

"The date rape drug?"

Greg nodded. "I'm pretty certain because its illegal in the US and we don't see a lot of it around here, especially in Llanview. It's usually smuggled in from Mexico, and up here on the east coast, it has a high price attached to it. There are about 30 pills here, and I can guarantee you this set your guy back a few thousand dollars."

"If it's so rare around here how can you be sure this is it?"

"Most of the guys that deal around here, deal in the usual – marijuana, cocaine, and for date rape drugs, GHB or Ketamine. But there's only been one dealer we know about that's been dealing Rohypnol. We actually just picked him up in a sting operation last month, which is why I was able to identify the Rohypnol, we seized it in the raid. He's in Statesville awaiting trial if you wanted to talk to him. Do you think you have a potential victim from your missing person?"

Shrugging, John took back the envelope and stood up. "I don't know, but I sure as hell am going to try and find out. What's the name of the dealer?"

After dropping the pills off at the lab, John had taken a few minutes to run a trace on Jared's phone and credit card records, both of which came up empty. Then he headed to Bo's office to fill him in. Now that drugs had been found – especially ones used for date rape – and Jared's hotel room showed it was unlikely he had skipped town, John knew he had to make it official. Normally he would have tried to keep it under wraps for a few more days, but since he had just come back from suspension, he wasn't willing to risk it.

After explaining how Jared's parole officer had come to him, and how he had taken that one day to look into Jared's life and not found very much, John then filled him in on today's events. Mainly how he knew Jared being evicted would allow him access without a warrant, and about the drugs he had found.

Once he was finished, Bo leaned back in his chair and sat quietly for a few minutes. "Did you know he moved into the mansion for a few days?"

This was news to John, and he quickly shook his head. "No. I only knew about the hotel, and the living at the Vineyard for a few weeks."

Bo nodded. "He came over to the mansion and charmed Renee with his flattery of Asa. Once she found out he was working for BE and had no place to live, she invited him to stay for a few days. The second I met the guy I didn't like him… just got the weird vide off him. So did Clint."

"But he worked at BE…." John broke in finding it strange the new CEO had a bad feeling about Jared and approved the hire.

"Yes he did, but he wasn't Clint's hire. It was all Natalie. She's the one that pushed for him. When I had first heard the story from Clint, I thought maybe there was something between them, some sort of attraction. But when I saw them together at the mansion, I realized Natalie seemed just as leery of the guy as I did."

"Which makes it odd that she would have hired him."

"Have you talked to Natalie?" Bo asked gently, having witnessed the tension between the two of them in his office the week before.

"I have. She says she hired Jared because he was using his shares in the Vineyard as a trade off. He wanted a job at BE, Nash and Jessica wanted him to back off the Vineyard, she wanted to help her sister, so she hired him and everyone was happy."

"You don't believe her?"

John sighed. He didn't know how to answer that, on one hand he wanted to be up front with Bo, but on the other he didn't want to raise his suspicions about Natalie. "I don't know what to think. She's been avoiding me lately, but claims she just needs to move on and can't do that with me in her life."

"What about the date rape drug?" Bo shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and looked grimy at John, "Is there any change he used it on either of them?

"I don't think so. But, I am going to head over to Statesville and see what I can find out from that dealer."

"John, be honest with me. Do you really think either of my nieces had anything to do with this?"

Again, John was faced with another hard decision. Finally he decided to be truthful. "Honestly Bo, I have no idea. Jared's missing, and there is no denying Natalie and Jessica were caught up with this guy. But, that being said I know them both. There not killers, so I am sure this'll all work out to be unrelated."

The last part had been added to help ease Bo's fear and worry, but as John drove toward Statesville he realized he had also said it to try and help himself as well.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

As John entered Statesville Prison, he was overcome with a rush of emotions and memories of the prison riot he had been caught up in with Cristian and Carlo. As he looked back on the events leading up to that night, he wished he had been strong enough to be honest with Natalie and tell her about Cristian being alive.

Maybe, just maybe, it would have saved them all the pain and suffering they had gone through. It wasn't until after the riot and losing Natalie that John had become obsessed by his father's case, and caught up in his search for justice. To John, that riot was one of the catalyzing factors of all that had gone wrong between them.

Shaking his head, John stopped for a moment outside the warden's office and realized how much this case was starting to affect him. Up until this Jared situation, he had been fine with the way things were. He had missed Natalie, but comforted himself with the realization that their break-up was for the best. She deserved someone who could give her more, and he was happy in his comfortable relationship with Marty. But now, for some reason, everything was changing. As he looked further into Jared's life, the more John was being confronted with these memories and thoughts of Natalie. And he didn't know why. Maybe it was jealously over the fact there may have been something going on between her and Jared, or maybe it was hurt that she may have been in trouble and hadn't thought to come to him. Or. Most likely it was simply the fact she had been avoiding him, and claimed she needed him out of her life for good, in order to move on. Either way, Natalie was all he could think about, and it didn't help that Marty's words from their break-up the other night kept echoing in his mind.

From both a professional and personal standpoint, Marty believed he was still in love with Natalie, but too scared of losing her to try and make it work. At first he had just brushed that observation off, knowing that while a part of him always would love Natalie, it was just better if they were apart. But, now he wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"Lieutenant McBain?" The booming voice of the prison's warden Brad McCallan broke John out of his thoughts. "On the phone you mentioned wanted to speak with Justin Miller, the guy brought in on possession and distribution?"

John nodded, "I think he may have some information on a case I am working."

"Follow me and I'll have him brought into an interview room." As they walked the warden filled John in on what he knew about Miller. "I was actually quite surprised when they brought him in, he didn't strike me as the drug dealer type. He seemed more like a typical college kid, then the usual gang banger."

"But he was dealing Rohypnol, which is not easy to get. Are you sure there are no gang ties?"

"Not from what I could tell. There's no mention of a gang affiliation in his file, and he doesn't have any of the typical tattoos. And in the month he's been here, he's been a model inmate and has been cooperating with the police. Here, have a seat. There will be a guard posted outside, just in case."

Thanking the warden, John thought about the profile he had just been given on Miller. With the lack of gang ties, it was possible that if Miller was helpful, Nora may be able to offer just the minimum jail sentence rather then the maximum five year term. This was the angle John was going to use.

After a handcuffed Justin Miller was led into the room and put into the seat opposite him, John waited until the guard left the room to begin talking. The warden had been right, Miller did look like an average college kid.

"I am Lieutenant McBain with the LPD."

Shifting in his chair, Miller sighed. "I already told the other cops everything I knew. That I got the drugs in NYC from a dealer that operated out of South Bronx."

"I'm not with Narcotics. I'm actually looking into a missing person case."

"And what? You think I had something to do with it? No way man. I will admit I was dealing drugs at LU. It was stupid, and I was only doing it to help with tuition costs. But that's it. I wasn't involved with anything else."

John pushed the mug shot photo of Jared he had gotten from the parole officer across the table. "Did this guy ever buy anything off you?" After watching Miller shift uncomfortably in his chair, John knew he needed to use his angle. "Listen, from what I understand you've been cooperating with Narcotics. You told them where they can find the dealer, and have no gang ties, this works in your favor. If you provide me with any useful information, I'll put in a good word with the D.A and suggests she pushes for the minimum sentence."

Miller took another look at the photo before nodding. "He bought some Rohypnol off me a few days before I was busted. I was surprised, most of the guys that were interested in that were the L.U Jocks that had some sort of trust fund. This guy seemed older, and more the business guy type."

"How did he find you?"

"I don't know. He must have asked around or something. But he came to my apartment late one night with a wad of cash. Normally guys would buy five or ten pills off me, but this guy bought a whole bunch."

"Did he say anything?"

"Yeah, he said something about a redhead."

John clenched his jaw, but forced himself not to react. "What about a redhead?"

"Something like she was his boss and that she just needed to loosen up." Miller shrugged but continued, "he said she was pretty hot, and referred to her as spiky or sparky or something."

Letting out the breath he had been holding, John was suddenly filled with the urge the bash the kid's head into the table, but he held himself back and stood up. "Thanks," he said tightly, "this helps."

"So you'll put in a good word with the DA?" he asked hopefully.

Turning around John look a second and gave him a hard stare. "I WILL tell her you have been cooperating with the police, BUT, I want you to think about what you've done. All the women out there that may have been raped because of what you've been selling. If I find out this redhead, or any other women for that matter have been raped, I'll make sure she knows about it." And with that, John motioned to the guard and stalked angrily to his car.

He had to talk to Natalie again.


	11. Chapter Eleven

_A/N: First off, thanks go to Missy for all her help with this. But, I also have to thank all those who review. Your reviews really get me going, and inspire me to keep writing. On I have to thank Gagrl3, for her abundance of reviews as they were really motivating. But I owe a lot of thanks to Miss. Snarky. I don't think I have ever had review that has been as positive and inspiring as hers was. I had hit a sort of road block with this fic (which you would never know based on the fact I always write five chapters ahead) but her kind words made me sit down and get back to writing. Thank you so much._

**Chapter Eleven **

By the time John got back to Llanview and headed toward BE, he was slightly calmer over the conversation he had had with Miller. The possibility that Jared may have drugged and taken advantage of Natalie was still making him sick, but he knew he needed to calm down before talking to her. Remembering it was a Friday night and realizing it was now after seven, John opted to try Natalie's apartment first. Remembering her telling Bo it was on the fifth floor of Oakwood Towers, John drove straight there and entered the building.

Now, he just had to find out what apartment she was in.

The apartment building was a newer one, only about ten floors high and had doors that automatically locked after 9 pm and required a key. But, it wasn't anything excusive or ritzy meaning there was no doorman, or concierge who he could ask. He was just about to call Bo, when an older lady got out of the elevator and headed toward the exit.

Stopping her, John showed her his badge. "I'm sorry to bother you ma'am, but I am looking for Ms. Buchanan, she just moved in a few weeks ago and I am not exactly sure which apartment she is in."

The woman paused and thought about it for a second, before nodding. "Is she a younger woman, with red-hair?"

John nodded, and the woman smiled. "That's the nice thing about living in a building this small. You really get to know everyone. I met her in the elevators the other day, and she was telling me how she just moved in. She got off on the fifth floor, and the only people that have moved recently from that floor were the Donaldson couple, and they were in apartment 505. So I would say that's where she is."

Thanking the woman for her help, John got into the elevator and got off on the fifth floor. The building was a fair size, but there were only six apartments on each floor allowing its tenants more space then a usual apartment would. Walking down the hall to 505, John quickly knocked on the door and waited.

It took a few seconds, but the door was pulled open and Natalie stood there clad in a robe, with her wet hair hanging in waves around her shoulders. "Just give me a second to get the money…." she began, but trailed off when she looked up and realized it was John. "You're not the pizza guy."

"No, I'm not."

At that second they were joined by a teenage guy, holding a pizza who looked surprised to see them both out in the hall. "Did you order a pizza?"

"Yeah, just give me a second and I'll get you the money." Leaving the door open, Natalie dashed back inside.

"How much is it?" John asked.

"21.20."

Pulling out a twenty and a five, John handed the money to the kid and took the pizza from his hands. He had just walked into Natalie's apartment when she came toward the door with her wallet. Seeing that he was holding the pizza and there was no trace of the delivery guy, Natalie narrowed her eyes. "Where did he go?"

"He left."

"You paid him?"

John nodded. "I have to talk to you about Jared, and haven't eaten all day so I figured if I did maybe you'd be more inclined to invite me to stay."

"Or I could just answer your questions, pay you back and ask you to leave."

"I'm hoping you won't."

Sighing, Natalie motioned for him to go into the kitchen. "Let me just go change."

Walking into her bedroom, Natalie quickly shut the door behind her and leaned against it. This was not good. It had been almost three weeks since Jared had been killed, and she had successfully avoided John for two of those after their fight at BE. And with all that was going on with Marcie and Michael, she figured the Jared issue had been put on the back burner.

So for him to show up now, at seven o'clock on a Friday night made Natalie think there had been some break in the case.

Knowing she would have to face the reality sooner or later, she quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a faded GAP sweater and went out to join him. She found him in the kitchen, looking in to the living room and glancing around. "The place seems nice," John said hearing her enter the kitchen, "what made you decide to move?"

Natalie shrugged as she got two plates down from the cabinets and pulled two beers from the fridge. "I moved out on my own for the first time on my sixteenth birthday. I had had enough of a drunken Roxy, and her sometimes abusive boyfriends so I got two jobs and managed to make rent. I lived alone for five years, until the day Seth and I showed up in Llanview. Then I started living with other people, mom, Jess, Cris, Roxy, your mom, Paul, you…. But with the job at BE and Mom having her own life, I wanted my independence back. So, I saw an ad for this place and took it." Natalie laughed softly as she opened up the pizza box and put a few slices on each plate. "Just having lived here these few weeks makes me wonder how I survived living at home all these years."

Natalie handed John a plate and they took a seat across from each other at the kitchen table, but getting nervous she continued to talk. "It's perfect for me. Has two bedrooms, one of which I use for an office, and a lot of space. Plus, I had all my furniture from the cottage in storage, so I didn't have to buy anything." Opening her beer, Natalie took a sip and then took a bite of her pizza, unsure of what else to say.

But she didn't have to say anything as John suddenly broke in with, "I'm sorry." Confused, Natalie put down her pizza and waited for him to continue.

"You were right about what you said at B.E, I was out of line coming in and making comments about your choice in friends. And I'm also sorry about how things ended, it wasn't all your fault, I really screwed up too."

"What's done is done," Natalie shrugged trying to brush it off.

"But its not. I do want us to stay friends… I do want to have you in my life. And I know you said it's not worth it, and it won't work but I'm not giving up. I won't just throw away five years because of a little awkwardness."

"John…" she began, but he held up a hand to stop her. "You don't need to say anything, or protest it… you had your chance to speak at BE, and I wanted my chance. Anyways, let's finish eating because I do need to talk to you about the Jared thing."

Being reminded that he was here about Jared caused Natalie to lose her appetite, but she forced herself to finish the pizza so she didn't seem nervous or on edge. Once they were both done, she put their plates in the sink and stopped in front of him. "Is this a formal conversation we should have in here? Or should we sit in the living room?"

"The living room is fine," John replied as he followed her from the kitchen, and took a seat across from her on one of the comfortable, overstuffed sofas.

Once they were seated, John felt his earlier rage start to return but he forced himself not to react. This setup was reminding him too much of when he had questioned Natalie about the possibility of Paul raping her, and it was hard for John to handle.

"So, what's going on?" Natalie's voice broke him from his thoughts. "Have you found Jared? Is he off in the Caribbean or some place conning some widow into marrying him?"

John shook his head. "I searched his hotel room today and it doesn't look like he took off. All this clothes and luggage are still there. Plus there's been no activity on his credit cards, or cell phone. Natalie I have to ask you, do you know ANYTHING about Jared's disappearance?"

Shifting slightly in her seat, Natalie shook her head and reminded herself that if John had had any evidence linking her to anything, they would be having this conversation at the LPD, not over pizza. "No."

John sighed, and took a moment to try and figure out how to ask his next question as he himself was dreading the possible answer. Finally he decided to just ask. "Did Jared Banks rape you Natalie?"


End file.
